The sun rose and I tiptoed into your room to wake you. Light was beginning to crawl through the sky up over the beach house.  You curled into my arms, still a baby in the way that you wrap yourself around me, but grown so big that your feet skim below my knees.  I whispered that we were going to take your birthday pictures and for the first time in 5 years you said, “okay.”

You never liked having your picture taken, but something has changed. Many things have changed. 

You were excited ever since the dress arrived in the mail.  The first night we received it you slipped it on and ran around barefoot in the grass.  You didn’t want to take it off.  We walked, holding hands, down the block to the beach.  You wore my flip flops because yours were upstairs.  We didn’t want to wake up the house.  You glanced at me and said, “this is fun, I’m not even tired!” 

We called it an adventure. I dragged our balloons, a little heavy from the night before, behind us.  You were practically skipping.  We crossed the street to the parking lot of the beach as the sun came up over the horizon.  It was the first sunrise we’ve ever watched together.  I couldn’t help but think of all of the early morning nursing when you were a baby.  I suppose we’ve had many sunrises together, but this was the first you could see in all of its beauty.

You are growing up so fast

We only spent about fifteen minutes taking pictures.  It was much less about the pictures than it was about letting you know how special you are to me. Sometimes photography is my language.

I watched you run down the beach, splash in the tide pools, make mud pies. So much has changed this year. Your legs have stretched out and lost their baby look. The first freckles have kissed your cheeks. Your long blonde hair, which you won’t let me cut, crowns your head in a wild, tangled mess. I think you look more like dad these days, but sometimes I catch an expression in which I see my own youth.

You’ve grown to be an amazing big sister. I’m quite certain that no one I know has a bigger heart than you.  I see it every day in the way you treat Grace. When she grabs a toy from you, you let her have it because she doesn’t know any better. When she needs help, you give it. If there is one cookie left, you break it into two and pass her a piece. You make her laugh when she is crying. The other day you hugged her and said, “Mom, I just want Grace to stay small like this forever!” I want you both to stay this way forever.

But then, I’m so proud of the girls you are becoming.

When you were out with Nana recently, someone commented, “She has no idea how beautiful she is.” Just in knowing you a few moments, they could sense it.

You’ve always been a little shy. You care so much about others. You feel everything so deeply. We tell you every day how smart, strong and beautiful you are, but a little piece of you remains nervous and insecure. I know that someday you will find your confidence. I want you to know that confidence doesn’t matter in light of caring, kindness, and truth. Who you are right now is perfect.

I want for you that your heart always remains this big, even if it means feeling hurt a little more often.

You begin Kindergarten in a new school this fall. You’re nervous about making new friends. It takes time to find good friends. They are often not the first people you notice.

The best friends care about others more than themselves… just like you.

I have no doubt you’ll love school and find your place. You love learning. You still spend hours “reading” your books, creating endless fairytales in your mind. You fill piles of sketchbooks with letters and drawings. You still want to be a teacher when you grow up. And you want to go to the moon. So now you want to be an astronaut who teaches.

A princess astronaut who teaches. You still put on your fanciest princess dresses each day, clip-on earrings, plastic high-heels and press-on nails.

Sometimes I debate if encouraging all of the princess fairytales is “the right thing to do”. I wonder if dad and I are doing a disservice to you and your sister because you have so much more “stuff” than we ever did.

We want you to have work ethic, resilience and gratitude.

But then I think of everything that you have ahead of you, how childhood is so fleeting, how you are already growing up so fast.  I think, “I’ll let her live in a fairytale a little longer.”

If you can keep a little of this magic your whole life, no matter what the circumstance is, you will know the joy of living. I hope you do.

I thought of all of these things as I watched you run on the beach. You shot me a look at the end that said “mom, I’m done” and I couldn’t help but lose my breath. I suddenly saw you at 16.

You are stronger than you know.

Then you burst out laughing and my playful 5 year old was back.

We left with sandy toes and had breakfast on the deck watching the river.

At the end of the weekend, you told me your favorite memory was watching your first sunrise with me.

Giuliana, you are a real life princess, as beautiful inside as you are out.

Happy 5th Birthday!  Love, Mom

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Amazing Dress :  Snazziedrawers

Edited with My Four Hens Happy Helpers

 

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